Girls Growing Up

My girls and I were invited to a woman's 90th birthday luncheon today. I will admit that I was a bit nervous, especially when I realized that this gathering was going to be small. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm the first to brag on my children's amazing gifts. They are sweet and engaging, curious and generally polite. However, Emma (aged 5) also has a propensity to talk about death. Especially with anyone over about 40. "You're 59?" she'll ask sweetly. "Are you going to die soon?" After reminding them that people of the generation of the birthday lady (as well as that of our hostess) expect children in public to be polite and making Emma promise not to talk about death, we headed off to lunch. The small gathering ended up being the celebrant, our hostess, one other neighbour and ourselves. No one to hide behind.

I'm typing this blog post up today at the instigation of my mother, but I want to remember this day myself. My daughters were perfect little ladies this afternoon. Yes, Emma drank her tea with her spoon and I had to keep Katie from dipping into the sugar bowl with her fingers. But, remembering that they are 7 and 5, I am proud to bursting with how my little ones behaved. They were a delight to share this afternoon with. They remembered their "pleases" and "thank you's." They helped to set and clear the table, allowing the older women to sit and chat. They passed things and no one talked about the birthday lady dying!

Life has not been easy in this congregation for the past six months or so. Not everyone has felt the love that we have for these people. Nor have we always felt loved. But today, on a special occasion, by an invitation and the good behaviour of two young ladies, love was shared around a table. I was able to tell my daughters today that their behaviour didn't just make me happy, it had told three other people that they are loved, important, respected. I want to remember that.

Putting it All Together

I was encouraged by Ann Voskamp's blog this morning (as I am most mornings), particularly because it spoke to what I've been meditating on for the past couple of weeks. I left my dear family for ten days to visit with a friend who is expecting her first child soon and to attend a cousin's wedding. (I'll blog more about my gratitude for this time on Monday.) I was excited to use this as an opportunity to take some time from my church and community here, to see how others are "doing church," and to dialogue with some of the people I most respect in the faith. All of this happened, but I discovered that it was almost too much. I have so much to process and try and put into practice that I'm not entirely sure where to start!

The theme that came up over and over again was how we as the church are successfully - or not - sharing the message of the Gospel with the world. Many of you know of my ongoing love/hate relationship with the current manifestation of the Church in the world. I was privileged to attend three different congregations while away from home. One was led by my friend's husband, the second is an emergent church on the beach in California, and the third was a college-age gathering led by my youngest brother. (How cool was that, to be preached to by my baby brother and have God speak through him!!) All very different services, but the key that tied them all together was passion. At least one person (sometimes just the pastor, sometimes not) had a passion for sharing the Gospel. I miss that. In my own life sometimes and more often in the life of the current congregation we serve.

In case there are those from my church who are reading this, let me be clear. I love the people of this congregation. You are a hard-working, conscientious, generous group. But I will also be honest: you lack zeal for the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I am looking forward to growing with this congregation in passion for the message that God Himself came to deliver and die for. I want to see those in our community drawn to its power; I want to be known only as the light-bearers in this place.

How that will come to pass, I don't know. Through prayer. Possibly with study. But I know that I want God to change the hearts of the people in his Church to have a burden for those who don't know the power of the new life that salvation gives. Even if that is for themselves. Those of you who are so inclined, please be praying for us. For me. For this Bride of Christ who is so distracted from her Groom. Would you pray also for vision to put together what I gathered on my time away and wisdom to know how to encourage those around me.

"Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." Matthew 28:19-20

Eulogy for an Adversary

A great man died on Thursday. A man who was influential in my life. A man who shaped my understanding of faith, ministry, and the church. A man who I very often disagreed with. And I've never been so sad. All of the cliched grief symptoms are not so cliche this week. I can't sleep. I don't want to eat. Breathing is just so hard. I truly do feel like I'm being kicked in the stomach over and over and over. All of this over someone who I was more likely to have an argument than a friendly chat with.

I apologize if this post rambles a bit. I am still wrestling with the rawness. I'm still denying this has happened, so it's difficult to put anything concrete in writing. One thing must be said, however: I'm sorry. Jamie, I'm sorry that we left your church without resolving all of our differences. I'm sorry that I was so angry with you and never told you. I'm sorry I never thanked you for the hard work that you did for our congregation, even for our family who you didn't particularly like or agree with. And I'm sorry that you left us before your work was done. I wish you could be here to hear me say this. Thank you. Thank you for helping me grow in my faith and in my understanding of God's kingdom. Thank you for reaching out and encouraging my new pastor-husband. Thank you for reminding me, even this week in your death, to say what I need to say to those around me. Thank you. Rest in our Lord's Peace, Jamie.

An odd way to begin a list of thanksgivings for the week, I know. But even in the grief, I am still thankful for:
258. Rob not injured in the car accident
259. USAA, our insurance company
260. A special rental "car"
261. Playing Wii with Rob
262. Good muscle aches
263. Saratoga Children's Museum on
264. David
265. turning 3
266. Grace for birthday cupcakes
267. Jamie Evans
268. Sharing grief with a friend who also knows the pain of loss
269. Having insurance to cover the total loss of our car
270. Skype
271. My brother on his birthday
272. A conversation with a fellow high school leader

I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing: therefore choose life, that both thou and thy seed shall live. Deuteronomy 30:19

To Boldly Go...

My husband and father-in-law are big Star Trek fans.  Dad Rose even wears a Star Trek tie to remind himself that God calls us to "boldly go where no man has gone before."  My Star Trek history is not quite so enthusiastic.  My family about once a week would watch the original show reruns while eating in front of the TV on the family Twister mat.  When all the spinoffs and "next generations" came out we didn't keep up the tradition. 

But Rob and I have several times been called to "boldly go" to places where we, at least, had never gone before.  Shortly after we were married (two months, to be exact) we joined a travelling ministry team and lived on a 45-foot bus with six other people for the first year and a half of our marriage.  Surprised again by God's call in our lives, Rob began pursuing ministry in the military.  We've been called to boldly go into hospice ministry, youth ministry, and most recently to move across the country away from family and friends to pastor this small church in upstate New York. 

So it should come as no surprise to anyone that once again God is calling us to move boldly into another area in ministry.  The details are still be worked out and we'll share them with you all as they get firmed up.  (Don't panic, Mom, we're not moving again!)  But once again we've heard from God and are gathering up the courage to be obedient.  We are trying to remember that He has always been faithful.  And to remember that - unlike Star Trek - we are not going where no man has gone before.  Many have gone before us, and more importantly, our Lord has gone before us to prepare the way. 

Thank you all for your prayers for us as we continue to listen to God's call in our lives.  Please pray for the success of this new venture that we believe God will use to change lives.  Our own included!

Blessed Assurance

I'm not usually a huge fan of the King Jame Version of the Bible.  Not for study purposes at least.  I heard too much of my husband's seminary classes to know about authoritative texts and so on.  But the KJV has one great thing going for it.  It's beautiful.  It's poetic.  And as such it touches a part of my soul that no literal, more historically accurate version can.  No wonder so many Biblical songs have used this version to set the Word of God to music. 
When I was a child my parents sang a song from 1 Timothy to me.  I only remember the one line, but it's been going through my head today.  I couldn't find it in my Bible, but at www.biblegateway.com I can search through just about every English version of the Bible there is.  (Check it out; I love it for my study times.)  Sure enough, there it is in the King James:  "For I know whom I have believed and am persuaded that He is able to keep that which I've committed unto Him against that day."
I've been thinking about that today as I'm getting ready to meet with a young lady from church.  I'm not sure where she stands with the Lord and, worse, I'm not sure she does either.  There is such comfort and hope in those words.  I remember, too, that Paul (the older teacher) is writing to Timothy (the new, young pastor) to encourage him.  Pray for me today as I meet with this lovely young woman.  Pray that I could be a Paul to her Timothy, that God would speak words of encouragement to her, and pray that she would "know whom [she has] believed" and be persuaded of his faithfulness.  For that knowledge I am so grateful!

I'm also grateful today for:
174.  An encouraging parenting article (www.christianitytoday.com/ct/article_print.html?id=86292)
175.  A new friend
176.  Opportunities to grow
177.  Ian sleeping so well
178.  Finding and starting a quilt pattern for my New Year's Day resolution quilt
179.  A fun aquarium craft with the kids
180.  Checkbook balanced
181.  Deep time in the Word after a long dry time
182.  A great sermon at church.  Again.
183.  New phones (mixed blessing)
184.  Dinner with church friends
185.  Lettuce  (I've been craving it!)