The Great Thanksgiving Desert

It's been far too long since I've sat down and given thanks. Oh, we still do it at mealtimes and at bedtimes, but not regulartimes. It's been far too long and my attitude is showing. This is a difficult season for our family, but I have never found that not giving thanks is helpful during tough patches. (Confusing sentence? Try living in my brain this week!)
School officially started for us this week and with the advent of our new schedule comes the return to the blog. I'm looking forward to the regular remembering of His many blessings. I hope you'll join me again.

Picking up where I left off:
398. School beginning
399. A fabulous garden harvest
400. No tomato/potato blight
401. Girls finishing their county fair projects
402. Girls winning blue ribbons for their fair projects
403. No dead chickens
404. A dog - Jack - joining our family
405. Fall coming
406. Forgiveness

Weathering the Storm

On Wednesday, Lord willing, Rob and I will have been married for nine years. That may seem unbelievably long for some; it's unbelievably short for us. We have been blessed with many things and frustrated by a number, too. In retrospect (all we have, really), none of our storms have been huge though at the time some seemed insurmountable. I was reminded of this earlier this week when we had a huge thunderstorm come through. It went on for hours and even after I couldn't hear the thunder anymore the lightning continued to flash. It was beautiful if a little frightening. Our marriage is something like that. Huge storms come through, frightening and beautiful in the growth they bring. Sometimes the flashes of those storms remain for years. By God's grace we have weathered our storms and by his grace we'll weather more. This week I'm grateful to God for many things. I'm also grateful to my husband for the many years of love and faithful service to me. What a treasure you are! (And yes, everyone, I'll tell him in person, too! I just want him to know that I want everyone to know!)

Thank you Lord, for:
371. Thunderstorms
372. The morning after a thunderstorm
373. Children's clipped fingernails
374. Children sitting still for said clipping
375. Pancakes
376. Family portraits
377. Village-wide yard sale
378. Great finds!
379. A neighbour going home to be with the Lord
380. Being able to apologize. Again.
381. Volleyball with church friends
382. Marriage
383. My husband

Washing Up

Dirty hands. Dirty feet. Dirty chicken feeder. Dirty floors. Dirty laundry.

Dirty soul.

Washed hands. Washed feet. Washed feeder. Washed floors. Washed laundry.
I spend all day cleaning.

Dirty soul.

Holy Spirit-Cleanser washes

Clean.

Some Time Away

I'm in denial. Again, I might add. Or perhaps I should say, as usual. My sweet husband is giving me a precious gift: some time away. I leave on Friday for a ten-day trip to see my dear friend in Chicago and then to attend the wedding of a cousin who stood up in my wedding. I desperately wanted this time away, but as I draw near my departure date, I'm conflicted. People keep asking if I'm packed/ready/excited. The answer is no. The truth is, now that it comes to it, I don't really want to go. Oh, I want to see my friends and my family. I'm so grateful that I get to see this cousin's wedding. But I don't want to leave my family. It's a reminder that I'm not meant to. Occasional short trips aside, God has called me to be a homemaker, a wife, a mother. It's tough to leave what you've been called to do. And blessed to do! So, would you all please pray for me this week as I get ready to leave behind my vocation (for a some needed R&R) to return renewed and refreshed? Pray for my sweet husband who will be a full-time stay-at-home mom while I'm gone. I'll try and blog on Wednesday before I go, but I probably won't get to this page while I'm gone.

In the meantime I'm grateful for:
329. Not wanting to leave on this trip
330. Emma's selflessness
331. Cool nights
332. A whole day to clean the house
333. A new school term
334. New recipes (Simply in Season)
335. A clean kitchen to cook in
336. A grace-based perspective on parenting
337. Snuggles with Ian and Emma
338. Dinner with the Moskowitz family
339. Not-yet-believers at church on Sunday!
340. Getting started on school this morning

Discipline of Silence

Whenever I am in a group, I have this dream: I will be the quiet, seeming-wise one, waiting for others to ask what I have to say. I will speak only when prompted by the Holy Spirit, only when it is really necessary. I will leave the group at the end of the time and all will wonder who that silent woman was.

I'll be really honest here. The last time that happened was at a friend's birthday party in Junior High. And I was only silent because I spent the party alone in a corner with no one wanting to talk to me. Not exactly the silence that attracts. No, all too often, I open my big mouth and blurt out whatever comes to mind. Thankful again for grace, God will sometimes use it for his purpose, but more often I wound, embarrass, annoy. Nowhere is this more true than with my husband. I usually feel like I'm justified in whatever it is that I have to say, but, oh, to be quiet and just wait for the Holy Spirit!

Last night I got a small taste of what that feels like. I had a perfect opportunity to "lay into" my sweet husband. He was most certainly in the wrong and I was, and still am, concerned about the consequences of his actions. But the Lord stepped in. He literally stopped my mouth. I was able to ask Rob for a moment alone to pray and journal and then continue the conversation. I'll admit that I had all sorts of choice words and self-righteous thoughts to share. Some of them even deserved saying. I found that I had no desire to say them though. They came to mind, but not to mouth. I am so grateful. My silence meant that I was able to listen, to work out, to love. All is mended, which might not be true if I had not chosen to be silent first.

A taste then, of self-(or God-) imposed silence. What a Lenten treat!

Thanks in Retrospect

287. Grace

Yes, I am especially grateful for grace this week. I sat down to blog today and saw that I had written down nothing for the week that I was thankful for. Oh, I can think of things in retrospect (288. An AWESOME school day on Saturday), and even the weather outside reminds me (289. Warmer weather, 290. Picnic outside on Friday) that I have much to be thankful for. My children are well (291. Katie and Emma telling me the truth about a broken jar mess, 292. Ian saying "Oopsie," even 293. David developing his own view of what makes God sad), I have all that I need (294. A huge grocery shopping trip, 295. Our new car holds everything!), I am just forgetful. And so, I give thanks again for

296. Grace

Where, O Death, is thy victory?

My heart is still very full this week after much grieving for a pastor who is gone. Much of what I have thought and learned and dreamed and felt will pass without record. That is sad. But over and over this week, the message has been that nothing, nothing will separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus. Nothing. Especially not death. We are very clear on that in this community of faith. As we continue through Lent, the suffering of Jesus - but also of the whole of creation - is very real this year. But Easter is coming. And death has no victory.

If you need assurance of that this week, spend some time in Romans 8. Look carefully into the story of the Passion and Resurrection of Jesus (any of the gospels), and rejoice in the truth of 1 Corinthians 15:54-58. A powerful sermon by Jamie's friend and colleague is linked to the title of this post. May God show you his unbounded love this week, no matter what seeks to come between you both.

In Sickness and in Health

This has been a pretty tough week. Hard to find things to be thankful for when you're throwing up in the middle of the night. But there were. Isn't that amazing? Even in the feverish throes of a stomach virus, there is grace. There is blessing. Today's post will be short because I - we - are still recovering from a very difficult week, physically and emotionally. But I am grateful for:
230. Ian's 1-year checkup and a clean bill of health
231. Our sweet doctor who takes such good care of our family
232. More snow
233. A bittersweet time of anger, apology, healing, and growth with my little girls
234. My darling husband caring for me when I was sick
235. The rest of the family not getting my sickness
236. Valentine's Day
237. Being awakened early Valentine's Day by my girls with multiple handmade Valentines
238. Narnia
239. Good chats with one of my young adult ladies
240. Ian walking
241. New baby teeth
242. A forgiving husband who won't let me sleep "on the couch."

May you, too, find health in your sickness this week.

Spiritual Discipline of Apologizing

It's amazing how God prepares us for every situation. Yesterday morning, during a devotion time, I read a story of a mother continually interrupted by her young daughter getting out of bed. Nothing unusual, a drink of water, going to the bathroom. Finally, the girl calls for her mother again, and the frustrated parent rushes into the bedroom, with a "What is it, now?" "We forgot to pray, Mommy," she says, and begins what the family has been memorizing. "Love is patient, love is kind..." Mom, of course, is struck with remorse and joins her daughter in prayer. (I'm not telling the story as well as the author did, but I can't remember where I read it, or I'd just repost it here.)

Anyway, last night, we had an instant replay of almost the same scenario at our house. Mom trying to get oldest son to bed. Sisters provoking and screaming at each other. Mom comes in screaming. Leaves, promising to return to deal with the situation when baby is asleep. Can't figure out where daughters have learned to shriek like that at each other. While changing baby, hears daughters coming downstairs. Mom yells again. Baby is finally down and Mom has a moment to think before heading back to girls' room.

The story changes slightly here. The devotion that I read in the morning comes back to me and I gather up a Bible and fresh water bottles for the girls. I'm still so angry with them that I'm shaking, but Grace comes and I apologize for my part in the whole terrible scene. Forgiveness is instantly granted. Amazing. Then slowly, together, we go through 1 Corinthians 13 and talk about what love is and isn't. It's enlightening for us all. There are as many examples of Mama's bad behaviour as children's. More Grace, and I kiss them goodnight, tell them I love them and apologize for loving them so imperfectly. We decide that this would be a good passage to work on memorizing next and I leave them repeating, "Love is patient. Love is kind. It is not jealous, it does not brag and is not...Eric can't?....Mama!! What's that word?"

They are so sweet. I am so grateful for their example. For their forgiveness. For the opportunity to grow closer to my Saviour by being their mother. For these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is Love.

Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them (not by Al Franken)

I spent too much of this week listening to lies.  I wish I could say that this is a new experience for me, but it's not.  Not even the lies are new.  They're the same ones that I hear year in and year out from the enemy who would steal my joy.  You're ugly.  So stupid.  No good mother would do that.  And most of all I hear:  You cant.  Can't cook.  Can't teach.  Can't sing.  Can't create.  Can't change.  It hurts to even write them out here.  I can feel each barb, each sting.  The childish taunting tone.  The hopelessness.

But there is hope, and that is found in the Truth.  I'm not so good at speaking the Truth to myself.  I get too buried in the lies I have listened to for so many, many years.  This week, however, God sent two Truth-speakers into my life.  It took many days for their words to penetrate through the muck, but it has.  You are loved.  You're amazing.  You are so good at that.  You can do it.  And of course:  I love you.  The greatest Truth of all.   These two people have always been the best at speaking into my life and so they top my thanksgivings list.

139.  My mother
140.  My husband
141.  Breaking through the darkness
142.  The smell of fresh rolls baking
143.  The ability to give to a friend in need
144.  Courage to bake yeast breads (Thanks, Sara Jane!)
145.  Gifts to encourage healthy living
146.  Roast lamb
147.  New mini-loaf pans
148.  Grandma Kate (my mother) making banana bread with David
149.  Amazing homeschool resources
150.  Our local library (again)
151.  Online library catalog
152.  Squash soup at Steiningers
153.  More snow
154.  Snow plows
155.  Michael's craft store
156.  Coupons!
157.  Papa's apology
158.  Kids in the snow
159.  Grace to get up this morning with my alarm (almost!)

Praise the Lord for his Truth.  Praise Him for his Unfailing Love.  Praise Him for his Encouragment.  Praise Him for his Grace and his Grace-givers.  Praise the Lord!  Praise the Lord!

I pray that as you begin this New Year you would listen for his Truth.  Stop your ears to the lies.  Surround yourself with those who would speak the Truth into your life.  And hear it!

Continued Thanksgiving

It's been a busy, busy week.  Four parties and a play.  Christmas shopping and tree decorating.  A sick child.  And all the regular stuff, too.  I'm grateful for my regular times of thanksgiving and prayer to keep things centered.

89.  Holy Spirit reminders of what I need to do
90.  Husband's hand not broken, only sprained
91.  The internet working even in the snow
92.  Snow play timing (the snow plow arrived just AFTER we had a brilliant time in the parking lot)
93.  Just enough flour
94.  Emma asking for Uncle Daniel for Christmas
95.  Hanukkah celebrations with new friends
96.  My finger not needing stitches, only a bandaid (hmm...seems familiar)
97.  A sweet time with my husband and my little lady Emma at the high school play
98.  Katie taking care of her sick sister

Almost one hundred blessings to give thanks for!  Praise the Lord!

Discipline Interrupted

I'm almost too full to write today.  It's one of those "curl up and hide in bed" days which are so opposed to discipline.  I've been pretty faithful to pray on the hour and do those things that I know I need to do to stay spiritually healthy, but today was hard.  Ian is teething and fussy.  David won't stay down for his nap.  Rob needed the computer when I wanted to post this and even now the girls are pouring flour and baking soda all over the counter in their attempt to bake by themselves.

Even so, we are doing Baking Day, something I'm realizing is a discipline for me.  It requires me to slow down, have the cooking space cleared and spend some time with my lovely girls.  I almost didn't do it today.  Putting them down for a nap would have been so much easier, and at six and four years old, they wouldn't even have remembered.  But I would have.  And I would have missed that time.

I even found myself at one point praying that my hourly watch chime would sound soon.  Silly, I know, and I quickly realized that I didn't have to wait for the top of the hour.  Giving thanks that He hears me all the time in any place, I stopped to pray.  Rob has taken Ian to get butter (amazingly, we're out) and I give thanks again for my sweet and sensitive husband.

My few disciplines that I cultivate haven't come easily today, but I'm giving thanks for grace and struggling on.  Thanks for your prayers today especially and I am praying that you my find grace and strength to carry on.